Guideline #4: Define Your Family Vision and Values

This post suggests that you define your family vision and the values you most want to pass on to your children.

My name is Lane Lasater, a retired clinical psychologist. In gratitude for the life I have been given, I am sharing everything I learned during my career and personal life on my website http://www.LaneLasater.com and on my YouTube Channel Life Roadmaps from a Retired Psychologist  https://www.youtube.com/@lane205

Each post contains my written material, an AI generated graphic, a 15-17 minute audio summary, and a 5-7 minute video summarizing the material.

 

 

In your parenting journal, describe what you want in each of the following areas.

1. Where do you want to live?
2. What are your career objectives?
3. Do you want to have children, and if so, how many and when?
4. What is your philosophy for raising children?
5. What core values do you live by?
6. How do you include spirituality or religion in your life?
7. What are your political values and how important are they to you?
8. What are your financial goals?
9. What hobbies or interests do you enjoy?
10. What diet do you follow, and how do you maintain health and wellness?
11. What relationship do you want with the people who raised you, siblings, and relatives?
12. How are you involved in your community?

Align Your Parenting Vision with Your Co-Parent

Ideally, your life partner shares your essential values and goals. They may have different personal goals but, overall, have similar economic and social aspirations to you in order to avoid constant conflicts over these issues. Your dreams and goals merged with your partner’s form the basis of the partnership agreement you’ll develop during your trial run, and bringing your visions into alignment releases all the power of two people using their effort, creativity, and knowledge toward achieving common goals. As you invest your combined efforts and thoughtfully adapt together to changed circumstances, life will continue to challenge you, but the outcome is often more wonderful than what you originally envisioned.

My Family Vision When I Met my Partner Nancy Larson

I want to live in Colorado (where I grew up) because of the sunshine, overall climate, and access to hiking, backpacking, and skiing. I’m looking for an active outdoor woman who enjoys these activities and is willing to live in Colorado. I’d like to have two children and create a peaceful and stable home life with my partner. Creating a loving environment with accountability and good boundaries is very important in contrast to the family I grew up in.

As a psychologist, I plan to work in community and private agencies and ultimately begin a private practice. I want a partner committed to psychological growth who has a career that complements mine. I participate in moderate religion and spirituality and want to introduce our children to spiritual principles and practices for living. Financially, I want to earn enough to help our children with their educations, prepare for retirement, and have a pleasant home and the opportunity for some travel. Being of service to my community and volunteering are important.

I’m committed to a healthy lifestyle and eliminating unhealthy habits. I want a friendly relationship with my parents, siblings, and relatives, and with my future partner’s family and relatives, but don’t want to be over-involved with either family. I want a relationship that provides the strength and security so we can face whatever challenges may come our way with courage, integrity, intelligence, and a sense of humor.

Define Your Important Family Values

In learning family values, actions are always more important than words. When we become parents, we consciously or subconsciously carry on some values we grew up with and change others.

This task reminds us that we were all children once. Life experiences, both positive and negative, shape our approach to parenting and the values we strive to create. Some of us work to create a family environment much like the family setting in which we grew up. Others are determined to create a family environment very different from what we experienced as children. The more we understand our history and values, the freer we are to make choices to create the family we want.

The example below is from Alec’s life.

Striving to Create a Different Family Environment

Alec grew up in a family where there was family financial success but both parents felt trapped and unhappy in their marriage. Alec’s father was a workaholic who drank heavily and was frequently away from home on business trips. Both parents tried to be good parents, but were handicapped by their own problems. Alec was determined to give his children a different experience. He felt like a failure when his 15-year-old daughter Jenny started drinking heavily and showed signs of becoming an alcoholic. Alec had to accept that Jenny had inherited risk factors for alcoholism. Once Alec faced his disappointment about Jenny’s alcohol risk, he could support her in getting treatment and learning to live a sober lifestyle.

Identify the Values you Grew Up with and Your Values Now

In your parenting journal, list important family values (both positive and negative) you and your co-parent grew up with. Then, list the important family values you want to teach your children.